Normal

 

Normal is a standard.

It’s something to be attained; a measurable, comparable NORM. 

As someone who struggles with mental health, normal is something I so desperately crave. 

 

I find myself asking these questions- 

what would a normal person be thinking right now? 

do normal people cry this much? 

does a normal person think about this as much as I am right now?

 

I find myself drawing these conclusions-

a normal person talks more than this at a social gathering.

a normal person doesn’t respond with this much panic. 

I am not a normal person. 

 

To fit in. To be a part of the flow. To be unnoticed.

Too often these feel like goals.

Goals that I will always fall short of.

 

 

In other ways, through obedience to God I feel as if normalcy is irrelevant.

Like when He asked me to take a Gap Year- that wasn’t normal.

At my age, the path is pretty set in stone. You graduate high school, you go to college, you get a job, and you start a family. There is some kind of pressure that says this is the way things are done and this is the way you will also do it.

 

Following what God called me to do was far from normal.

Staying out of college for ANOTHER semester and entering as a freshman during the spring semester, is far from normal. It’s not easy and it doesn’t make sense and along the way there will be and have been numerous speed bumps. Having to explain that my college situation is “complicated” has been tiring. Trying to communicate that I took steps based on faith alone makes no sense to most of the world.

 

But I have found it to be the most rewarding and the most fulfilling. 

 

 

Even just the other day I was in the car on my way to an event when the Lord pressed on my heart and told me not to go. Obediently and reluctantly, I turned the car around. I drove back to my house and I started writing this blog. A year ago, I wouldn’t have done that. I wouldn’t have known how to listen to God, I would have been more concerned with what everyone else my age was doing. 

 

If Noah hadn’t listened, if he had stopped when everyone questioned his sanity, we wouldn’t have survived the flood.

If Levi hadn’t listened, if he had kept his money and his tax booth, he would have never made it to eternity.

If Jesus hadn’t listened, if he had neglected the miracles waiting for him or chose to stand up to Pilate, we would have never received salvation.

 

Between striving for normalcy and walking in obedience, one seems appealing to the world and the other in complete disregard for the world’s opinions. 

 

And I choose obedience. Every time I’ll choose obedience, because normalcy doesn’t heal, obedience does. Normalcy doesn’t walk on water, normalcy doesn’t open blind eyes, normalcy doesn’t come in on a donkey. 

But obedience does.

Normalcy is a standard I’ll never meet, obedience is an opportunity I get every moment.